For any woman concerned with their biological clock expiring, meet Elizabeth Adeney, age 66. This sexagenarian nutter is convinced that the world cannot function without a little bundle of her optimism. Adeney will be England’s oldest child bearer.

Let us weigh the PROs and CONs of Adeney’s decision:

PROs

• The child will instantly win media sympathy for being born to that “selfish senile senior citizen”.

• I don’t believe In Vitro Fertilization was created to set Guinness records, nevertheless, she would still not be the oldest woman to ever give birth, so her intentions may actually be sincere.

• Strong arm muscles: Adeney will only need to use a baby stroller for a few years until her child is forced to push her around in a wheelchair.

• Child gets handicap parking for life.

• Hand sewn sweaters made ‘with love’.

• More tax breaks for Adeney than Gordon Brown can afford to give out.

CONs

• Schoolmates will tease child for having GILF as a mother.

• Adeney will be 84 years old when her child graduates from high school – I needed a calculator for that one. The CON: It is hard to get good sleep at commencement ceremonies.

• Child must endure grandma-esque sloppy kisses everyday.

• The media has spun the story enough that Adeney is somehow seen as a more suitable parent than a celebrity or gay couples.

• Slim chance child will have grandparents.

Her Right

We may not understand it, but it is her right to have a baby. If she wants to deal with being woken up in the middle of the night by a crying child for feedings at age 66 – ew mental picture – then kudos to her.

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